Priest Simulator Early Access — Is it price it?

In case you aren’t conscious resulting from not enjoying the free prologue, Priest Simulator could be very a lot within the ‘joke simulator’ camp. No, this isn’t meant to be a practical foray into the each day lifetime of the clergy. As an alternative, it’s a bunch of jokes and ridiculous shenanigans. Priest Simulator enters Early Access at the moment with all of its bones in place. As such, it’s set to spend one other four-to-eight months in growth, however the story might be performed from to begin to end. Some issues will simply be lacking and fewer polished than they’ll be when the sport enters full launch.

There’s a surprisingly massive story focus in Priest Simulator. You play as a vampire named Orlok who seems an terrible lot like Depend Orlok from Nosferatu. Orlok is an influencer in Hell and is kind of some form of Baron who fights different Barons for management. The prologue sees Orlok defeating one other Baron, just for his girlfriend Vamela to hit the unsuitable button on their elevator, sending them straight to Poland. Oops. They land immediately exterior a church run by a priest named Torpedo, who has gambled away the entire church’s funds and plenty of of its valuables.


Torpedo sees a possibility in Orlok, so he makes use of his priestly powers to take away Orlok’s vampire skills. He’ll solely return them as soon as Orlok does his job for him for some time. Lazy bastard. Now, it’s as much as Orlok to enhance the church and see to the realm’s flock. Every mission is accompanied by cutscenes, lots of which have a mockumentary fashion with the characters speaking on to the digital camera. A lot of the dialogue is totally voiced in Polish. The English subtitles are sometimes poorly translated, however Priest Simulator remains to be fairly humorous. It takes the premise as significantly as you’d in all probability count on.

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It’s too good, a minimum of

Very like Bum SimulatorPriest Simulator is healthier than most video games with ‘Simulator’ within the title are typically. The sport runs fairly nicely regardless of having an open map, as I had over 100 fps more often than not. It doesn’t look all that nice, nevertheless it’s obtained plenty of character. The denizens largely appear to be wood dolls, aside from those who appear to be animals. The sport is fairly unfiltered, nevertheless it does change up frequent phrases: Catholicism is known as Christianism; Satanists are referred to as Shatanists. These Shatanists will assault you after they see you out and about. There are literally extra enemy varieties than I used to be anticipating.

The fight is reasonably poor, although. Orlok can equip weapons in every hand. Some left-handed weapons have a ranged assault, others are simply melee. One is a gun glove that you simply’ll cost as much as fireplace off a shot. You additionally get a baseball bat and pitchfork. Proper-handed weapons grant skills: a rechargeable blade stuns enemies; a telekineses gauntlet can choose up and throw objects; a crucifix scares them, inflicting them to run the opposite means for a couple of seconds. Hit detection for melee assaults is spotty, and there’s no weight or oomph to your strikes. It may be onerous to let you know’re even hitting something.

You’ll largely simply strafe round enemies whereas getting occasional hits in. It might be a hell of quite a bit higher; I don’t benefit from the fight in any respect. Priest Simulator is structured round largely linear sequence of duties that act as story missions. Go right here, do that factor, go there, reply a cellphone, yada yada yada. It takes a surprisingly very long time for the sport to open up. After a couple of hours, you’re tasked with elevating the Christianism of the realm to a sure stage.

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Get your exorcise

Going up in rank is completed by renovating the church and performing exorcisms. Church renovation is so simple as shopping for a blueprint after which utilizing your supplies to mechanically renovate sure elements of the church by way of a mannequin within the attic. You’ll get cash from enjoying the sport and supplies from breaking objects. However the exorcisms aren’t all that nice. You go to a home and are required to carry out sure actions like break totems and place your personal earlier than exorcising the demons from the possessed particular person. You additionally have to flip all of the crucifixes in the home.

Exorcisms are principally timed scavenger hunts and may take a number of makes an attempt when you attempt to discover every thing inside the time restrict. The difficulty is that the crucifixes might be form of onerous to see, so these are too pixel-hunty for my tastes.

There’s additionally driving, as you may summon a automotive at sure places. But it surely’s simpler to simply get round on foot, actually.

You’ll additionally stage up numerous attributes and improve weapons, which humorously use cassette tapes with black metallic bands on them as improve supplies. You may also deal with confessions, which require you to select the proper bible verse in response to every confession. These are humorous at first, however they develop repetitive in a short time.

Priest Simulator is fairly alright, nevertheless it’s extra humorous than enjoyable. As for whether or not Priest Simulator is price it in Early Access, that depends on how a lot you just like the premise and characters. I had a good time with it, however the fight and exorcisms may actually use some fine-tuning.

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